B Fit!

Over the past two weeks, my feelings and emotions have undergone some intense shifts. I have felt happy, accomplished and proud, as well as upset, frustrated, and defeated. All of these emotions have the same source - an after school program I co-founded for the middle school students on my own free time as a volunteer.

Over the past few years. I have made countless observations of my students and the various activities they partake in and enjoy. Being a basketball coach, I know very well how important it is for these young people to have adult connections and to have positive outlets and structured activities after the school day ends. Any time there is an after school activity, program, or club, there is always significant interest across the students population. One big problem many of my students share is that they don't spend enough time outside, being active, and getting exercise. Taking all of these things into account, I decided to start an after-school fitness program with a colleague who was a two sport college athlete.

The plan was to have the program run Tuesdays through Fridays from mid-September to early November. After surveying the student body and seeing that the interest was significant (50 out of 80 claimed to be interested), we typed up permission slips, sent them home, and got to work. By the end of week one, we had 50 students signed up and an average of about 30 students per day. Students (and teachers!) were working hard each of the first four days which included a 20 minute run and agility exercises. Seeing all of the students working so hard really made me glad I was able to provide them this great opportunity to help change their health habits for the better.

Once week two started, things began to change. On Tuesday, I was unable to attend due to forgetting my work out clothes. While in my classroom, correcting timeline posters, I occasionally snuck to the window and took a look out to the back field. From my vantage point I had a very good view of the happenings of practice. What I saw and heard made my day take a turn for the worse. One student yelled and my colleague, saying, "you're fucking stupid!" and several students were not working out. Some came late, while others stopped mid-workout to socialize with their friends. The whole program was breaking down before my eyes. By the time I met up with my colleague after practice, she was very discouraged. On the way home, one of our students had sexually harrassed another student by lifting up her skirt. Being a repeat offender and having a mother who believed he was "the choosen one" resulted in an angry visit where we were informed that her son would never do such a thing. Leaving school on a sour note always makes the preceeding day a little bit harder.

Between Tuesday and Wednesday, we had come up with a plan to improve our program. At the end of Tuesday, I was certain I was going to suspend several of the students - but after I gained my composure, I decided to write the students a letter outlining our expectations and how they were not being met. We travelled around our hallway to each homeroom Wednesday morning, giving stern speeches and handing out the letters. In our minds, our students would understand how serious we were, and that they needed to change if they wanted to program to continue.

Wednesday I ran the program alone. About 20 students were there at the beginning, but that numbered blossomed to near 40 by the end of the hour - with several students once again sitting on the side, not working out with the group. After warning several students about their lack of participation, I began suspending students left and right. I was like a whirlwind and I was enraged. Feelings got hurt and I tried to bring about 30 students into the gym to run suicides (a type of sprint). On the way through the hallway, a student jumped up to touch an exit sign and broke it off the while. Seconds later a student ran into the gym and accidentally broke the volleyball net. Exasperated and drained, I began yelling and sent all of the students home 20 minutes early.

It is now Saturday. I cancelled B Fit! for Thursday and Friday, hoping the students would realize that their behavior impacted their opportunities. I am still uncertain how we will move forward. I felt like I did everything right, but it all fell apart. I have a list of students who we felt put in consistent effort and good attendance. Any other students who would like to continue will need to write me a letter of apology and convince me as to why they should be readmitted. The program will be run in the gymnasium instead of on the field, to keep out the "riff raff" as one of my colleagues commented.

I feel guilty for not running the program those two days and uncertain as to whether I have mismanaged this undertaking or if my patience is simply less of a strength then I had previously thought.