The price of being the best (or even just good)

Along with being a teacher responsible for specific aspects of 112 children's lives, I also have other responsibilities. None are any too remarkable - in fact most are pretty typical. I have a partner who I've been with for over six years, I have been a homeowner for a year, I have a dog that is 14 months old, and I have various social and family commitments as well. Over the past year or so, I've begun to feel the pressure of compromise and reorganization that comes with a full devotion to one's career as an educator. It is difficult for me to grasp that management skills that other educators at my school have - those who have families, children, and infinitely more responsibility that I currently have. I don't know how they do it.

My own journey has finally put me in a place where I feel like I am showing measurable growth and success. My classroom is well managed, most of my students work when I ask, listen when I ask, and are kind to me and to one another. It has become very clear to me that the amount of effort a teacher puts into their profession has very drastic and obvious results. When I plan a lesson that is so-so or even a little boring, the environment in my classroom is significantly different that when I have put a lot of thought into my lessons. I feel like this is one of the reason so many educators fail in their first few years - perhaps they are too focused on instant gratification - a classic contemporary American vice I suppose. When they find that they are not successful, when a kid swears at them, when they simply aren't well prepared - they quit.

I believe that it will take several years until I find myself in a place where every lesson, every day, is top caliber. I think that now that I'm a little more organized with my lessons, this progress has truly begun. I know that many of my lessons I did this year I can repeat, tweaking slightly, and there are others I will scrap completely. As each lesson evolves and develops in my mind, based on student feedback and overall effectiveness, I will improve and my students will benefit.

I'm really happy with the school I work at - but I do have some worries that trouble me regularly. I am a white, male, teacher who works in an inner city school, but lives in an out-of-city suburb. I feel a force of hypocrisy in my choices to not live where I teach. It gives me the feeling that I am somehow an outsider, someone who is not as supportive and dedicated to a city that has a long road ahead to becoming somewhere that is widely desirable. Also, I work at a college-bound school that any child can attend, but many students can not be successful here. While we are a public school that chooses students by lottery, our demographics are somewhat different than a city as a whole. Parents who are "in the know" try to get their kids here. Part of me feels like my living situation, social life, and career are all contained within these bubbles that are not quite reality. Another part feels that I have made choices to put myself where I see the most potential for growth, happiness, and success. Is success at my school going to really change our city? I don't know. Is living and spending my time in areas where most people look the same and think the same going to help my intellectual and personal growth? Will the compromises I make in non-school areas of my life be worth it? Can I be satisfied with a life where my job is #1, and even if my job is #1, can I be the BEST? Can I really be like the teachers I admire so much, and am I willing to pay the price with my most valuable asset - time.